For When You Feel Like a Mess

An open letter for all my single sisters… 


I could’ve written your letter. In fact, I wrote another version of it a few years ago. It’s part of a collection I have to my some-day husband (which are now in line to be burned, but that’s another story). I know well the longing mixed with anxiety. You want companionship but you know the timing isn’t right. And in many ways that’s a healthy place to be. To be self-aware enough to recognize that you have some heart-healing to do is so, so good.

But may I tell you somethin’ you probably already know? There’s never going to be a time when you feel completely “ready” to fall in love. Husband or no husband, we may always feel like we’re a mess. It seems like the universal plight of women to perpetually feel as though we are not enough. So I’m gonna tell you somethin’ maybe you don’t know…

You. are. enough.

Right here. Right now. In this moment. There is nothing lacking in you. You are beautiful, whole, complete. Perfect. The one who formed you in the womb smiles on you. He loves you so completely just as you are. He is not withholding anything from you – not even a husband. Your single status is not a punishment for not desiring Him, serving Him, or loving Him – enough. The fact that you love Him is so evident! And guess what? He delights in your love! 

So rest in Him. Don’t worry that your desire for a husband is a betrayal of your desire for God. It’s not. God created you with that desire and to deny it would be to deny your humanity. If someone tries to tell you that you just need to lose yourself in Jesus before He will bring you a husband? Don’t listen. That’s an unsubstantiated load of crap. Yes, love Jesus. Yes, seek to serve Him. There’s nothing wrong with losing yourself in worship of Him. But He isn’t in the trading business and no amount of praying or reading your bible or church attendance will earn you bargaining chips. He’s a good Father who will withhold no good gift from you. The very nature of a gift is that it is given without expectation of return.

My advice? Start looking for the gifts. He gives them every day. It might take the form of a hug from a friend, a delicious thunderstorm, or the wind in your hair on a lonely country road. Every day, in these small ways, He is showering His love on you. He’s telling you that you are enough.

You are worthy of each gift simply because you are His.



And one day, who can say when, He may give you a husband. But it won’t be because you’ve earned it, or because you’re finally “ready” or because you’ve prayed enough or served enough and He’s gotten all He can out of your singleness. It will be simply because He loves you. No more or less than all the other days when He gave you sunsets, and snowflakes and stars. Just because you are His child.

It’s my prayer that the truth of His boundless love begins to heal your heart, the way it’s been healing mine.

All my love,

Rebekah Hope

I keep track of His everyday gifts to me with a hashtag on instagram – #HowHeLovesMe
Please follow me there, use the hashtag and share with me how you see His love?


2 thoughts on “For When You Feel Like a Mess

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